That vein on your shoulder does things to me….. I HAVE A PROBLEM!
I was too busy staring at his bicep to notice his shoulder lol…
^
I was too busy looking at his rotating hips to notice his shoulder or his biceps!
Four years we’ve been right here. Four years just waiting for you to just open both of your eyes to see that you are meant to be. And we are more than a shipper. Every Monday, we watch you because it’s the only thing that can paint a smile on our faces. Because we think that you are the most remarkable, maddening, challenging, frustrating TV couple we’ve ever shipped to. And we Love You!
THIS
THIS FOREVER
THERE ARE NO WORDS IN MY MOUTH.
ALWAYS!
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]
Mom,
I don’t even know what to call you; legally or personally because you’ve never been real before. Not real to me. You’ve always been just some person that I imagined. You’re just someone who abandoned me.
Who left me.
Even though you could take care of three other kids, I was too much. Because you didn’t think that you could fight. Fight to raise me as your daughter. You didn’t want the extra trouble. You didn’t want the hassle.
You didn’t want me.
So you gave me up to people that you didn’t even know, to a life that you didn’t have to be a part of. I wanted to find you. Run into your arms. To cry. To scream. To question you. I needed answers, even if I knew you wouldn’t have all of them.
“’Cause this is not about what you’ve done,
But what’s been done for you.”
For years and years I carried around this burden, not like a chip, but more like a mountain on my shoulder weighing me down. Because if I wasn’t good enough for my own mother, I wasn’t good enough for anyone. I was so mad at you, caught up in this place of anger and confusion.
But that’s changed. I never thought that I’d be able to be okay with all of this. I’ve healed a bit, maybe not fully but enough to feel something different toward you than before—gratitude.
Thank you for letting me go. You did the right thing.
“This is not about where you’ve been,
But where your brokenness brings you to.”
It’s true that you left me, but it’s also true that you gave me away, and maybe in that you gave me a chance. If you hadn’t given me away, so many things would’ve ended up differently.
I wouldn’t have gotten this incredible education that empowered me to seek out new information and gave me a love for literature. I wouldn’t have spent my summers on the Outer Banks of North Carolina where I fell in love with sailing and learned how to be a friend and a leader. Without a doctor as a father, Graves’ disease would’ve taken an even greater toll on my body than it already had. I wouldn’t have become a swimmer and then never had the opportunity to go to boarding school to pursue college scholarships. I probably wouldn’t have gone to Auburn University, a place that stretched and grew me, where I learned to rise to a challenge and to love in a whole way.
“You are more than the choices that you’ve made.
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes.”
I almost blamed you for all of my darkness. It would be easy to do. I was raised in a place I didn’t come from and felt like I’ve never belonged. Truth is, my life wouldn’t have been guaranteed to be less hard or dark or difficult if you had kept me. Maybe I would’ve even been hurt more and not had the resources I needed to be healthy or the people who helped pull me back together.
Maybe, just maybe, you helped save me.
“You are more than the problems you create.
You’ve been remade.”
I forgive you. Forgiveness may not be something you need from me, but it’s something I’ve needed to give you for a long time. I am learning my way through this life, stumbling and growing and loving. Maybe we can meet, or just chat, someday, but if we never do, know that I’m okay.
Thanks to you, of course.
—Caitlin
beautiful text with a beautiful song! <3
My awesome Tumblr Family
- The cream to my coffee
- The Lanie to my Beckett
- My twin
- The Esposito to my Ryan
- The Nathan to my Stana
- Partner in crime
- The muse to my writer
- The Alexis of the group
YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING!!
AS ARE YOU!! <3
So I would love to do a Tumblr family..
It would be more like a Tumblr Castle family? haha Anyone is interested?
always! :)
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]
Andrew Belle - In My Veins
Castle fandom rule: Always reblog. It’s our fucking anthem.
Depression is humiliating. It turns intelligent, kind people into zombies who can’t wash a dish or change their socks. It affects the ability to think clearly, to feel anything, to ascribe value to your children, your lifelong passions, your relative good fortune. It scoops out your normal healthy ability to cope with bad days and bad news, and replaces it with an unrecognizable sludge that finds no pleasure, no delight, no point in anything outside of bed. You alienate your friends because you can’t comport yourself socially, you risk your job because you can’t concentrate, you live in moderate squalor because you have no energy to stand up, let alone take out the garbage. You become pathetic and you know it. And you have no capacity to stop the downward plunge. You have no perspective, no emotional reserves, no faith that it will get better. So you feel guilty and ashamed of your inability to deal with life like a regular human, which exacerbates the depression and the isolation. If you’ve never been depressed, thank your lucky stars and back off the folks who take a pill so they can make eye contact with the grocery store cashier. No one on earth would choose the nightmare of depression over an averagely turbulent normal life.
It’s not an incapacity to cope with day to day living in the modern world. It’s an incapacity to function. At all. If you and your loved ones have been spared, every blessing to you. If depression has taken root in you or your loved ones, every blessing to you, too. No one chooses it. No one deserves it. It runs in families, it ruins families. You cannot imagine what it takes to feign normalcy, to show up to work, to make a dentist appointment, to pay bills, to walk your dog, to return library books on time, to keep enough toilet paper on hand, when you are exerting most of your capacity on trying not to kill yourself. Depression is real. Just because you’ve never had it doesn’t make it imaginary. Compassion is also real. And a depressed person may cling desperately to it until they are out of the woods and they may remember your compassion for the rest of their lives as a force greater than their depression. Have a heart. Judge not lest ye be judged.
It’s not an incapacity to cope with day to day living in the modern world. It’s an incapacity to function. At all. If you and your loved ones have been spared, every blessing to you. If depression has taken root in you or your loved ones, every blessing to you, too. No one chooses it. No one deserves it. It runs in families, it ruins families. You cannot imagine what it takes to feign normalcy, to show up to work, to make a dentist appointment, to pay bills, to walk your dog, to return library books on time, to keep enough toilet paper on hand, when you are exerting most of your capacity on trying not to kill yourself. Depression is real. Just because you’ve never had it doesn’t make it imaginary. Compassion is also real. And a depressed person may cling desperately to it until they are out of the woods and they may remember your compassion for the rest of their lives as a force greater than their depression. Have a heart. Judge not lest ye be judged.
“
| — |
EVERYONE NEEDS TO READ THIS. Depression is not a synonym for being sad or having a bad day/bad week. (via stuck-in-the-labyrinth) My clinical depression is and was impossible to explain to someone because i struggle to change my thoughts in to words like these. But now, this post has made sense of it all and i will ALWAYS reblog this. (via criesofinsanity) THIS IS MY LIFE!! I will Always reblog this truth! may it help others understand and/or explain what hell we go through every day.. <3 |
I LOVE this picture!!!!
1) Rick, Kate and Daddy Beckett all hanging out
2) BECKETT IS WEARING
FLATSCHUCKS O.o3) we hardly ever see Beckett’s appartment
4) I have a Castle obsession
5) I love anything about Castle
6) Gah.
7) I’ll shut up now :)
OMG!! Beckett without heels… (btw, LOVE her in Chucks! <3) sitting on half a ‘wall’.. with her daddy and Castle RIGHT there!! //Vulnerable Beckett alert!!// you know something is about to go down when this happens.. alskfjlksjdf.. *flails.. ALERT fangirling overload.. dies*
okay, don’t mind me.. just finished my last exam of the semester and only have one more paper to write so I’m just on the edge of insanity..
